It's been an interesting weekend: parties, meetings, meals with friends, spiritual times, significant times, family times, community times.
I feel very thankful for the brotherhood of love there is around me. I needed holding together a bit last night after leading what felt like a difficult gospel meeting. I was really just too tired. A good friend gave me a hug and helped reassure me. Another friend told me this morning how effective they felt the meeting had been. It's curious how we can perceive things differently.
But I was praying this morning, musing over my fast-paced lifestyle and wondering how I could serve God by being less tired. I live fast because I'm not confident in the friendship of those around me.
I have always been conscious to assert my own identity, independent of others. There are reasons for that which are too boring to go into. But I want to relax in the company and love of my friends and find confidence in that...
Hmm, this is too difficult to get my head round right now, but I'm sure you understand. If you know what I mean, leave us a comment. As usual I need the security of thinking an idea through before I embrace it.
Tschaka,
ReplyDeleteI for one was impressed by last nights meeting and the message you put across, sure there was the odd problem with the microphone but you sailed your course through it and made it seem less of an obsticle than most would have made of it.
Sure tiredness can make it seem harder and I think that was the main factor, in your feelings
As for being confident in the company of your friends, I have experienced a growing repect and brotherly love for you over recent months and you come across as one ofthe most together people I know, yet your open, caring & considerate.
The only critisism and I use that word loosely is that I think you find it hard to withdraw from a position of helping someone because you care, and this can lead to you extending the arms of friendship further than most (including christians) leading to the tiredness you talk about. Perhaps a discipline in delegating and involving others would help?
I would feel very priviliged if you were to allow yourself to be more relaxed and open in my company. I think you do a da*n fine job of it already.
It just goes to show that we all percieve ourselves as being more fragile and imperfect than we may outwardly seem. I think your doing better than most!
Darren.
It's about being loved despite what you say and do... It's about being loved cos you are you. Last night's meeting was... hard work, but I think you kicked some satan butt so of course he will be feeling sore today... and taking it out on you.
ReplyDeleteRelax. It's called being human.
ReplyDeleteBut in context, you had the opportunity to do what you do because of the confidence of those who lead you, and the confidence of those who cover you. Their guided.
People sat and listened, because you said something worthwhile.
But most of all mate, a spirit who worked through and with you to deliver a confident message he wanted others to hear. Remember, however, you aren't perfect, and you aren't dependent on your own strenghth entirely.
You did ok mate, and now you need rest. Job done, for now. And that's ok too.
It's a blessing how open and honest you share your life, thoughts, heart. Something like living in the light. Encourages me in being real, daring to love more. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteReceiving love is also a way of loving, an important one. But it's not always so easy. Me, I'm learning this through some good friends who are telling me I do not always need to be the one to give.
Jenny has a good point there.
ReplyDeleteSometimes allowing someone to help you is the very help that they need to grow.
At this point can I say thanks for all your comments. I truly appreciate them, and want to reflect on them a bit more.
ReplyDelete